Since my damned sweetheart is being a dumbass (not that she is, she just loves to behave like one), i resumed watching anime, browsing 4chan, reading mange etc. It's a wild world out there!

I do, however, keep watching documentaries on youtube and would like to feature some of them here. The list of the ones I watched can be found after the break.
I will admit that, for the most part, they are quite childish and elementary and I do feel like still wasting my time on nothing when watching them. I will not amount to anything with that knowledge, even if I get it all and will be able to talk about it for hours...
To add to the complete and utter waste of time, there were some good deals recently on steam games, so I bought a few game packs and couple of games I had set my eyes on before. It's hard to feature just the games I bought recently, so here is the complete list of the games I own (+Guild Wars 2) including some f2p ones.
Additionally: a little something I would like to feature from the Play Store for android. It's an app for contacts. Why? Because I did like the original contact list my Samsung Galaxy Mini had, but, unfortunately, CyanogenMod 10.1 with JellyBean has a really crappy and slow contacts apps, so I replaced it with something better.

I really do need to find a way to stop wasting my life. And money. And start exercising.
Oh fuck you, life, for tempting me with the good stuff and then coming up with all the complicated rules to acquire it.

Forgot to mention, that I did finally get my salary, only 2 days later. Turned out it really was stuck so if I would have waited any longer, I would have probably died of hunger.
Unfortunately large portion of my this months salary will go for paying off the damn water counters [?]. Their expiry date is due and thus fucking Rigas Namu Pārvalda are charging me ridiculous amounts of money. Obviously, by their count, an average person uses 10 times the amount of water I`m usually using. Fucking corrupted bunch of idiots without any idea how to properly do anything.

In another news, I`m a proud member of CyanogenMod community for a few days and my slowpoke Samsung Galaxy Mini grew a pair of data stream wings, as it seems. There are a few glitches, but no more than in the official Android releases and the gains from CyanogenMod 10 that is JellyBean 4.2 are awesome. I now have a zoom for my camera. It never had that. It's a digital one, so it's crap and I will never use it, but still a zoom.
Effectively, with that I got rid of Go Launcher. Seems it started lagging my android and eating more battery, than it ever did on Gingerbread.
Aw, I abolished Gingerbread right before Christmas.


To continue what I started today...well...yesterday already: we bought a new decent winter coat for my damn sweetheart. 80Ls. Fuck.

They are eating themselves. Yum!

What goes for Cloud Atlas, it was as boring for me as I thought, but at least I thought it would have some deeper ideas in it, something to think about when you are bored. Well...fuck. It was all about how important it is to tell the truth, to fight for the truth, to fight for freedom of speech, so we could tell truth and not be afraid. And it was laid out in a plain as possible way that every idiot could understand it. Waste of 3h, they could have just made a youtube video and include the key sentences in it. What I liked, however, was how they returned Mr. Smith. And a bit of matrix, when they started feeding dead clones to dead clones. As if they couldn't have been fed from the fast-food leftovers.

Unfortunately my evening didn't end on that negative note. My damn sweetheart is still being ignorant and oblivious to anything not considered as important by a higher authority than her. And It's driving me crazy. And I finally feel like giving up that shit.
I mean, I did change my fucking everything for her. I feel like I`m entitles to getting at least that little thing back, for her to stop and think bit, to learn to think, not just listen to whoever says whatever and blindly obey till her emotions take over and then everything flies to shit. She would be the one to get something out of it mostly, not me.
Or maybe I`m from, maybe I`m not really entitled to anything at all, maybe I didn't change myself at all and maybe that's just my fucked up emotions running wild.
Either way, it's hard to keep doing what I don't want to do, especially when there is zero motivation and nobody expects it from me. So why should I, again?

Todays plan - shoppimg for a present for my damn sweetheart and then to cinema. Most likely to watch Cloud Atlas.
Damn I could buy myself a new washing machine from the money I will spend here...

More later...

I recently finished off 4 seasons of The IT Crowd. It's hilariously funny at times and at times - a britt-boring show. Still I consider it being worth watching, especially for people who like The Big Bang Theory.
Otherwise I keep on distancing myself from anime and 4chan and instead spend my time watching documentaries on youtube and exploring the What's hot list on google+. And I feel like giving up, but still holding there.

Picture related

And right now I`m a sad panda, because I still haven't gotten my salary. Contacted personnel department [?] today, seems the payment was stuck and got it moving. In my naivete I hope it will be transferred from DNB Bank to Swedbank in a couple of hours and I will still be able to make it to the mall, but usually it takes a day at least.

Among everything else I suddenly have the urge to install a dual-boot Linux distro. My weapon of choice - Ubuntu...or rather Kubuntu after first Ubuntu installation failed. Or rather I dropped it for now since i effectively killed my flash drive I had the installation copied on. Killed it in my sleep. I mean, I had some difficulties splitting some free memory off my hard drive, so that I wouldn't loose all the 200GB of data, but then I fell asleep in the middle of the process and today I discovered that my flash drive stopped functioning. At least partially, the little, green light on it is still functioning - yay.

Since every series I`m watching is coming to an end, besides watching stuff like this, I have been visiting facebook.com, aitām.lv and plus.google.com a lot more lately. And there is one thing that has become increasingly obvious to me: there is absolutely nothing on Facebook  There is nothing to do, I tell you! You can sometimes find at least something interesting on draugiem.lv, and there is always something worth reading/spreading on google+ What's Hot list, but there is never anything on Facebook  And that's even when I have the biggest amount of /friends/ there.
Though that may not come as a surprise to most google+ users...

P.S. I miss you, LiveJournal. Why did you have to die? russificate? become an embarrassing stigma to everyone not from Russia?

Turns out I was a little wrong. Instead of planned 206h for this month, I have 186h according to plan. Should have gone to work earlier today.
What does it matter? It matters because now I know that I will be having 14h shifts for tomorrow and after tomorrow. And then continue on working normally for the next 6, maybe 7 days.
Oh the joys of greed.

Lately feeling doomed

Regardless..

By trying out new tastes I found another nice pearl. While I`m always skeptic about anything that comes with Cyrillic letters, I did buy a drink named «ЭЛЬБРУС» and it turned out to taste quite awesome. It's not quite as cheap as most light drinks, especially since it comes in a glass bottle, but one 0.5l bottle of it quenches your thirst quite easily, in contrary to some more popular drinks that promote exactly that. I other word - worth every cent.
In shot, picture related. If you see it - buy it (I got it @ RIMI)

In another news - I`m working overtime again. Feeling a little lazy, but I need all the money I can get on my next paycheck and this is the best way to get it. Unfortunately my hours are limited, so I`m going for the maximum of 224 work hours I`m allowed. I think I`m at 206 atm, though I`m not sure, could be more.

And I changed my mind....I will not ignore, that I`m feeling doomed.
I feel like I`m stuck at working for a little over minimal wage for the rest of my life, which is probably true. It's a sad future, but if it were only about me, I could live with it. Unfortunately it isn't. My damn sweetheart is a lazy, dreaming klutz, she may become a graduate in a couple of months, but I do not believe she will be able to find a job that suits her whatever and won't be able to support herself. That's why I need to find a way to move forward without education, move forward, to be able to support myself and her. I need a new job, one that offers me more skills and bigger salary at the same time. Dammit!

OMG what a mess my room is!

About now

Due to some stupid circumstances related to my damn sweetheart, I have abolished the biggest part of my everyday life - anime and browsing sites like 4chan etc. I`m still watching TV series, but, unfortunately, I mostly watch only Sci-Fi, and good Sci-Fi series are kind of scarce and can't fill the void that has been left in my life after leaving anime. Thus, I am left with no other choice than to read news and look for some informative video on YouTube. Been watching stuff like Secrets of Body Language, General Psychology videos and outside YouTube -  Erich Von Daniken - Chariots Of The Gods. Can't say I feel smarter yet.
Gotta admit, that while commuting to and from work, I still read some manga on my Android, but now it does feel like kind of a waste of time and I hope to one day switch to actually learning something while commuting, e.g. Japanese, Swedish, Psychology or even, in some bizarre way, Android application development.

Why not games? I`m not sure. Playing them alone, without even a single person I know that plays them, kind of feels sad, lonely and boring.

Recap series - Sick leave

What sucked about previous month and still does - i was on sick leave from job for 3 goddamn weeks. It all started with a simple fewer of 39.7 but, obviously, while all sweaty and hot, at some point I cooled down too fast and caught myself a pneumonia. So basically I can't remember a crap about first week, as I spent it with the 39.6 temperature and it's like being constantly drunk. At the second week my doctor finally figured I had pneumonia and pumped me with even more antibiotics. And the experience of second and third week too wasn't very pleasent, since I spent most of my time coughing. Even made my muscles sore from constant cough. Well, at least I did get away relatively cheap and fast from it (after spending a bit more than 40Ls on medicine, that is), but still, it meant that I got no bonus on my paycheck whatsoever and still have to visit VSAA to get the rest of my salary.

Never again .

And it's Christmas soon and I can't afford a crap as a result.

Recap Series - Colleagues

The_guy_I_know_since_kindergarten - finally got him to work at TWWL. Obviously I can tell he is not too enthusiastic about the job, who the hell would be in his place, but at least it's something he can earn money on now.

Oh, Latvia, why do you never present any chances at all to young students? Everyone has to fight with their teeth to get a decent job in their respective profession...

Recap series - Tex Mex

Continuing our adventures, a week later after visiting Kabuki, we decided to try out Mexican food.
Our course was set to Tex Mex (see location). After arriving I concluded that it's a place you should visit at summer and eat outside, not inside. Unfortunately for us, as it was a cold autumn evening. I guess the atmosphere was ok, but personally I didn't find it comfortable, as we couldn't get seats that would cut us off from other people and I felt extremely exposed. However, you could feel from the waitress, that her heart most definitely belonged to that place and thus she helped me to feel a little like at home - it did help to relax a bit. The Mexican food itself wasn't really anything special. I guess I could compare it to a pizza. I probably will return there some day and try something else from the menu, like I occasionally do at pizzeria, but not until summer.

Overall it was a nice experience, but it did leave a lot of space for improvement.

Recap series - Guild Wars 2

A few years back I managed to hook that girl  to a Runes of Magic MMORPG game that she kept playing  even after I left it and after we broke up. Anyhow, as the game has been getting older, she kept playing it less and less and only was attached to it due to the people she met there, in the online world. Why is this important? Because most of those people were leaving for Guild Wars 2 as soon as it would launch and, feeling sorry for her and wanting for her to keep contact with people she cares for, i bought that game. Unfortunately her computer can't run it, so it's currently installed on my computer and mostly I am the one playing it...well, till recently, since i got bored of the game. Not to a surprise, because the game is PvP centered, while I enjoy my PvE.

tl;dr I own a Guild Wars 2 account that i bought for my damn sweetheart.

Recap Series - Kabuki

Believe it or not, it's 21st century and I have never tried Sushi. Up until recently, that is.
In my conquest to broaden my world, I got together with my damn sweetheart and the_guy_i_know_since_kindergarten and we went on exploring the menu of Kabuki restaurant (see location).
Musty say I enjoyed the experience a lot and the choice of restaurant wasn't bad as well. Well, sushi is a bit too expensive for me to eat it every weekend, but I will most definitely occasionally order some sushi from and then and if I will have to take someone to a restaurant - that will be my first choice.

A successful experiment.

Recap series - Something new

Now then, I have established my own comfort-zone and I`m fully assured that my identity is completely worked-out. What now?
Now is the time to willfully leave my comfort-zone and start expanding my world by trying out new things. Not taking it to the extreme, but recently from time to time I buy something new for my dinner, I started trying out all kinds of alcohol (which I do not enjoy all that much, no matter how often I drink...in fact I regularly have unfinished bottles at home, that I can't bring myself to finish) etc. etc.
Sometimes I end up wasting money, sometimes I discover that I love Japanese kitchen.

To confess, I have been thinking of trying out some hard drugs too, but due to my personality I`m not up to doing it unsupervised by someone I trust. And also I have no idea how to acquire them, as I never had real interest in that. What am I expecting? I`m expecting to have a chemical reaction that will mess up my brain activity and I would like to see weather I`m able to keep it together even when under influence of drugs. Seems to work with any amount of alcohol. And yeah, finally being able to understand people's though patterns when are under influence - that's a nice bonus too.

Trying out new stuff keeps the illusion that the world hasn't stopped for me yet.

Recap series - girlfriends

I hate how she edits her pictures!

I have gotten back together with my damn first-love-sweetheart. Not entirely sure why anything happened, why it came to us breaking up, why did she take me back, but I blame it all on women anyway. Anyhow, we are spending time together for the most part of the week now and all my leftover money mostly goes to buying her whatever she needs.

Trying my hardest to change and adapt myself as fast as I can. It's not easy to adapt to women, as they never really know, what do they want. And there are things I will never achieve/possess/be able to do, no matter how much she wants me to...

Recap series - promotion

Worth mentioning, but nothing big though.
Finally two spots in Help Desk @ TWWL were freed and I actually somehow managed to get one of them, thus I was promoted to something seemingly above entry level worker and seemingly had my bonus increased.
I`m no longer working at hotline, but rather do written communication with clients, help hotline workers out with stuff they do not understand or can't solve and I`m at the controversial position that should be more or less respected but seems to be disregarded as useless by everyone. Well, whatever, It's fine. Written communication and helping people is more back my alley and I regret nothing.


Several weeks of me being the dumb newbie followed. As well as several months of workload no European should ever be tasked with still going on.

Recap series - purchases

I think it was back in July, though I`m not sure. Thanks to working overtime (frigging 225 work-hours in a month, lots of night shifts e.t.c.) i got a hold of another nice paycheck and upgraded my computer a bit.

First, and most notoriously, i bought a new monitor (silly picture related) a Samsung SyncMaster S23B300. It's a decent HD LED monitor, nothing fancy, but my eyes will never see the difference between a 500bucks worth screen and a 128bucks one. Even with my perfect vision (color or otherwise).

Secondly, bought a new cooler. An ass-kicking Titan Skalli. Be sure to take a look at the package if you follow the link. It looks great, other than that - it works so good and quiet, that I never even notice it doing anything.

Lastly, I upgraded my RAM. Since i have this old_like_the_world_itself gigabyte motherboard, I went for the small upgrade from 2GB to 4GB. However, to my great disappointment, it turns out, if your motherboard is limited to 4GB, you will never be able to use more than 3GB of ram, as a goddamn 1GB gets reserved for fucking nothing I will ever need. And that's how I discovered, that I have reached my limits at upgrading my old PC and should start saving up. If not for a whole new PC, at least for a new motherboard, sound card and 16GB worth of RAM.
Disappointment of the year.

Well...at least I thought that was the last of it. A couple of weeks later, while messing with my BIOS, i managed to accidentally turn off my PC's ability to recognize the hard drive. Since my hard drive was quite old and getting glitchy at times, after some time I concluded that it died and just went and bought 500GB of empty space. Long story short: new hard drive wasn't working either and after few ours of trying out EVERYTHING i finally managed to get both of my HDDs working.

And this is what becomes of me when I don't have to worry about my next meal anymore. Spent more than 200bucks on that and no fucks were given back then.

Recap series - job interview results

Oh, yeah, about the interview back then - it turned out i was right, i didn't get the job because my test scores were way too low. Really didn't surprise me, but it was still worth trying.

And the company, btw, was Cytec.

And even if I know it shouldn't, failures like these do get to me and I was feeling kind of down and doomed for a few weeks after that. Did carry on like nothing happened though.

Back from a successfully attended job interview. Not really psyched about all that stuff, but only because a recruitment company approached me themselves, so it's just a sudden opportunity not something I was looking for. If I do, however, score it, it does seem quite reasonable to take that opportunity as the company has much higher pay-grid and offers me the same amount and type of work as the current one I`m employed in.
While it feels that the interview went well, I somehow do think that the test results won't be as splendid. And the feeling that I missed something important just doesn't leave me. Well, we'll see.

I would like to give some more details about the company the offered position, but I don't feel like that would be appropriate right now.

Off to work for now.

Due to the circumstances related with big purchases and some people unable to pay back their debts, last month I was seriously thinking about getting a credit card just so I could take an overdraft any time I needed to.
Basically, right now I`m using a debit card with bonuses. it gives me some discounts in places I never visit, I can use it for almost any electronic purchases which pretty much covers every purchase I ever make, and, most importantly, it's cheap. What it does not do is give me easy access to overdraft or any kind of extra money resources - which is offered by credit cards that are way more expensive and harder to obtain.
Well, to cut it short, by comparing the expenses of both types of cards I quickly came to the conclusion that the credit cards are really worth it only if you really need an overdraft every other or every third month...but hell, people who live that way do not deserve their salary and would really need to learn to live with the money they have and stop fucking up the already so fucked up world economy.
So well, yeah, I`m happily sticking to my debit card and would like to discourage anyone from taking a credit card. Even if you do suddenly are in need for extra cash, there are tons of other ways to get some quick cash (mostly it does involves selling your soul, but whatever, we live in internet anyway and when was the last time anyone heard of binary souls?) However, in case if someone is really interested in credit cards, here is a useful URL for you (for those living in Latvia).

Additionally, today I understood that my music list is adjusted to hatred, anger, sadness and insomnia. There is nothing to put to play if I feel something else.
FML

Enough is enough

No time left, just threw stuff together so that I could photograph the overall idea of how it will look like.

No, this is obviously not a success story.
Spent something a little over my average monthly wage to buy a bed, mattress and a chair and the result is what you see. Additionally my landlord-lady sent me her old chair over.
And this is the result after spending more money than planned, waiting for a month till my bed gets made and moving furniture in a hurry so that I`m not late for work - complete fiasco.
The chair is so broken it can't be used at all. The bed is not quite what I wanted except that it's 140x200 and dark coloured. I have too much furniture in my room. And it turns out my dad witheld something from me - the price I actually paid for the bed was only for the work alone. Seems he bought materials for it, but the point is that it was overpriced as it was, now it turns out it was double so overpriced and my dad spent his last money on that luxury.
I feel like crap, my environment looks like crap and there is absolutely nothing I can do except to spend even more money to buy additional furniture to fix stuff.

Oh, yeah, that CRT is going away as soon as I have money for it. Which won't be soon as I keep giving my money away.

Fuck me if I`m going to every rely on my parents or anyone else for that matter again...

Yes, my hair is greasy as hell there

Just did a quick inspection of my shirts [?]. Yeah, it's all still black, I`m still too poor to buy new clothes for every season. And, damn, the only real, proper button shirt (or whatever people call them, I`m not really into fashion) is two sizes too big now. I remember the days when it was almost too small for me. Anyway, since it seems that these days it's in to wear clothes that are a size too small, I`m not going to wear it and will weep quietly.
The good news is that I have more clothes to wear in summer than I initially thought. So maybe I will not starve to death just so that I could go to work in a more or less presentable look.

In unrelated news - maybe tomorrow I will finally get my fucking bed delivered. Seriously, I was about to buy one at the beginning of the month, but then my dad had the genius idea to order one made without my consent or without any idea what kind of bed I`m looking for. So the plans got postponed for another two weeks and I had no idea what the bed is going to look like. Logically, two weeks passed, my dad still has no transport to deliver it to from Jekabpils and actually the bed still isn't made.
So well, yeah, another lesson in asking for someone else's advice. I have no idea why I keep actually doing that, I can't remember even one time when it actually helped. Guess it just gets too lonely to rely on yourself all the time...

Just thinking out loud here again

If someone were to ask me a question "What do you think of kids being raised by homosexual couples?" my answer would be "They are a necessary sacrifices."
Obviously I can't think that a kid raised by a homosexual couple wouldn't get damaged or twisted or would always feel like he fits in a normal society. Obviously I can't think that because our society doesn't fully understand and tolerate such families. I do, I tolerate it myself, I don't really even care and I think that nobody should really even care. However, people do care and that's why these kids can't have a normal childhood. And a certain number of these kids will have to be sacrificed before our society will finally be able to accept it, to tolerate it, to live with it. Before it will become normal like it should be.

Well, that's one.

Welcome to the N.H.K., the show where the 10% and 90%
 reference came from

Now, if we think about it in a much broader sense - we are all sacrifices. Every each human being that has lived so far, has been a sacrifice, sacrifice meant for building a better world. We live in a 10% happiness and 90% suffering world constantly hoping for a better life and every day working to achieve it. Of course we will not achieve the perfect goal, but with each generation we come a small step closer to it for the whole of humanity.
Maybe we do not realise or fully understand it, but it is what it is and we are all sacrifices.

So consider this blog entry a huge Fuck You to everyone letting those sacrifices be in vain.

Because nobody these days seems to read actual text anymore...

...I posted a picture .

Alcohol

Picture found on wallbase.cc and I couldn't care less
about the original source for the moment

For some reason most of the non-drinkers seem to be very opinionated about alcohol. Well, I`m one of them.

And so I have returned

I have returned to elaborate a bit on my previous blog entry.

Beautiful people start turning ugly and ugly people get even uglier.

 To most people it's clear as sky, why beautiful people turn ugly as you get to know them, however at the same time most people like to hold to the opinion that ugly people are mostly beautiful on the inside as they don't get tainted by the shallowness in this world. Well...that's wrong.
The dumb thing is that our society by itself is quite ugly. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately, it's debatable) people that look good tend to have it all in their lives easier, while ugly people get the short end of the stick. While beauties can concentrate on whatever they do, deal only with the consequences of their own choices and overall live a normal life full with affection, love and attention, the ugly people, additionally to all that, have to deal with the society and its shortcomings and its shallowness. It really might not sound as much, but when you deal with it every day of your life, it does grow a certain bitterness and hatred on you and the question is - how you deal with it. Unfortunately most people deal with ir poorly, thus most ugly people are actually shallow and primitive as well which sadly makes a lesser human beings out of them. I mean, if they don't dealt with constant rejection correctly, offering a self sacrifice, they usually end up bitter and full with inner, biased hatred which culminates in kind of repulsive characteristic traits of theirs. In primitive words - bitches and douches.
I am not saying that beautiful people are never like that, but to tell the truth, it takes a special kind of effort for them to become like that. Have to say, that narcissism is an enemy you don't want to face (though ugly people also get it from time to time). The difference lies in that for ugly people it's a trial they have to overcome, while for beautiful people it's their own stupid choice they make.

Unfortunately I think I will have to leave it at at that for now, because I can't find a way to express exactly what I mean in proper words.

xoxoxo

Picture related: the fake world we look at.

In the society there is a popular opinion that when people get older - they tend not to count the looks of other people so much. In other words, that with age the standards lower. Well, it doesn't seem to be the case for me.
I'm not a really..urm...pretentious/ostentatious person [can't really find a proper translation for ārišķīgs in English, there is probably no such word, so let me explain: not someone who pays a great deal of attention to looks] yet with each day I pay more attention to everybody's outer shell. It doesn't mean that I consider prettier people being better and like them more, nope. It's more like there is some huge part of my naivete being killed, thus I have come to know people better, I predict their thoughts and behaviour more accurate and faster, I can see their deeper ugly selves even when they are being the nicest people on the world. Beautiful people start turning ugly and ugly people get even uglier. Only few people are spared from my judgement because I don't see anything bad in their personality from how they look.
So yeah, the world is getting uglier for me and the worst thing is: I don't really care and I actually deal with it. I could even say that I`m starting to turn unscrupulous, bet I doubt that anyone would understand me on that.

People like me most definitely are not allowed to live a social life, as we don't get blinded by the society, we see it's true, disgusting face.
Or maybe I`m just being pessimistic again.

Yep, this is accurate.

Constant cough, temperature 37.8 and, naturally, runny nose. I`m all alone, have no medicine at home and I have 2 days to cure myself. I`m completely at loss. And the fact that it's actually quite cold at home doesn't help on my trips to make some more tea.

Yeah, I`m a typical man: my world comes to an end when I get a little sick.

The days when I want to grow my hair back, dress up all black, listen to some motherfucking speed metal and just be the plain me. A short flashback and the realisation that the world would never understand or accept me like that.

Anyhow, not getting very far with the android development stuff. Have some ideas on what I would love to make to make my everyday life a tiny bit easier, but meh, even acquiring the necessary software is a hassle. But oh well, since there is nothing better for me to do anyway, maybe I will eventually pull it through...after a year or two. And then give up on it like I have done with pretty much everything in my life so far.

And it's kinda sad that this is the only thing I have to share on my blog in two months.